Sunday is here

I am selfish.

I am reminded every day just how selfish I am, and even more so in April when I spend 24 days being excited about my birthday.  I start near the end of March with small, subtle reminders... "Steve, it's almost April and you know what THAT means!!!!!"  The subtly starts to disappear on April 1st when I wake him up with, "STEVE, it IS April and you know what THAT MEANS!!!!"  It's my birthday month.  3 1/2 weeks for me to think about and talk about myself, constantly.  Sounds amazing, right?

This week I was humbled by my friends, both new and old, who went out of their way to make me feel loved.  Bright pink and green boxes full of my favorite treats seemed to arrive daily... but shining above all of the luxuries I received were thoughtful cards and notes.  Unexpected, because you all know that I am (slightly) emotionally challenged, almost always making a joke to avoid a heartfelt moment.  How is it possible that the people I love and respect have taken the time and effort to know me?... really know me, enough to know exactly what I needed this week.  Your gifts made me feel like I was sitting with each one of you, laughing and chatting- a cupcake is more than a cupcake when it means you remembered my obsession with caramel cream cheese frosting- perfume is more than perfume when it means you knew what scent I liked without me telling you- a wallet is more than an accessory when it has become a reminder that you think of me even when I'm not with you (and even when you don't agree with my fashion choices).  And with all of the tears this week, because I miss you, were smiles and smirks at the memories attached to the things you sent me.

This morning, I am humbled again.  In spite of my selfishness and in spite of the failings I constantly fight with, God is great.  In spite of the determined focus on MYself and MY birthday and MY struggle to fit in and be content with MY surroundings, God moves me to tears when I am reminded today that the greatest gift I have or will ever receive is a relationship with Jesus Christ.  I'm overwhelmed that all of you love me... I'm genuinely amazed by it.  It doesn't make sense to me that you would love me... and that's what it's like with Jesus.  It doesn't make sense that He would have given up heaven to live an uncomfortable and impossible life on earth, just so he could grab every sin I've ever committed, or will ever commit, and gathered them onto his shoulders as he hung on a cross.  It doesn't make sense that He died there, overwhelmed himself by the weight of that sin... the sadness and shame of it... and took it to the grave so he could (pardon the language, but it's true) kick death's ass and rise again!

He did this for me.  He would do it again for me, even if I was the only one left to save.  Even though I choose to be selfish over and over and over again.  And He did it for you.  All of you.  And then He put you in my life to humble me constantly with your love.